I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
