At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
