i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
