sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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