We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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