fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
