dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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