if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
