I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
