Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
