He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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