Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
