I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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