I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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