so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
