$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I will die if light touches me.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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