His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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