So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
