trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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