im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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