I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
