Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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