we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
