her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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