Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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