Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
