You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
