when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
