I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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