I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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