Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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