Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
