hotel room ftw
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
