i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
areolas are like halos for boobs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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