M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
