she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
