3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
