He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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