I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
