K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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