thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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