So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
