I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
