Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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