i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
