if i died would you start the facebook group?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
