I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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