Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
