I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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