a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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