Soap is not a condiment
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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