Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
