whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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