Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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